Nobody puts Rory in the Corner
by inge-loves-lost
Summary: Balalaika’s my way. Rory’s not going home alone. Is that wrong? Angsty, bitter, cynical. Typical Jess. M for language
1. Nothing comes as easy as you

Nobody puts Rory in the corner

Summary: Balalaika's my way. Rory's not going home alone. Is that wrong? Angsty, bitter, cynical. Typical Jess.

Rating: Somewhere between PG-13 and R. Jess can't seem to keep his mouth and thoughts clean, and Rory isn't always a good girl.

AN: I have no clue where this came from. I was just listening to Fall out Boy, and I got this idea. The words just kept coming out. I hope you'll all like it, even though I know the Balalaika rewrite has been done. (Just not my way :wink: )

Disclaimer: I so own Gilmore Girls. :alarm clock rings: Yeah, I so own Gilmore Girls, I so own Gilmore Girls, I so own Gilmore Girls. If I say it 34 times, it'll be true. At least, that's what I was told. (So NO, I don't own Gilmore girls. Not even the dialogue I borrowed.)

Chapter one: Nothing comes as easy as you

I knew it was not a good idea to go to dinner with that dick present, I knew it. It's just that I couldn't say no to Rory, to that begging look in her eyes.

I had always been helpless for that look, even back when I was seventeen and I first met her. If that look appeared in her eyes, I could do nothing but agree to everything she said. I was like a puppy damnit! And if I anything's the furthest from what I am, it's a puppy. Only Rory Gilmore can do those things to me.

I can't believe that after those years of not seeing each other, she still has that power over me. I hate it that she has that power over me, that she can make me do things I never wanted to do, things I absolutely despise. But I can't help it.

I'm aware this makes it sound like I hate her, hate being around her. I do hate her sometimes, hate the fact I fell for her, hate the fact that something always keeps pulling me back to her.

Some people might call it love, I would call it unfinished business. I left so many things hanging with her when I left her for the first time, and the second time, and every other time I left her, to go off somewhere, scared of what she made me feel.

Yes, me, Jess Mariano, the badass hoodlum himself, scared for what this smart, funny and beautiful small town girl made him feel; and still makes him feel. My New York friends would have laughed their asses off about that. That's why I never told them about Rory, they wouldn't understand.

Nobody understands things between me and Rory, I don't believe even her and myself understand all this. She's surprised about it, I know, because I feel the same.

I watch her over my drink, not even trying to pretend I'm interested in anything other than how she looks, what she's saying and how she acts. Fuck that dick, I think, and send Rory one of my apparently famous smirks, while the dick is starting to annoy me even more, mocking me about my novel. My novel I would want to change if I got the chance to rewrite it, but it is still my novel he's mocking.

The atmosphere is tense at this table. It feels like one word said wrong could make everything explode. I wonder who will be the one to say it. I wonder who will be the one to get mad or walk off first. I wonder who will be the last to sit here, the other two long gone.

When the dickhead tells me to send him a copy, I know I am going to be the one to leave first. This whole night had been a mistake anyway. I don't want to spend my time with him, and a girl I don't even know anymore. The Rory I knew wouldn't be like this.

"Sure," I say, trying to get a rise out of him. "Where do I send it? The blond dick at Yale?"

Rory is not going to like me saying this, but I don't care anymore about what she thinks. At least, I try to pretend I don't care what Rory thinks about me. Maybe it's working.

"Jess," she says, her eyes begging me again, this time begging me not to leave like this. But this time, I don't care. This new Rory, I don't like her. I don't like the DAR-snob she has become, living at her grandparents', dating a rich blond prick, quitting Yale, quitting her mother. That's not the Rory I fell for, the Rory I couldn't help but love. That's a damn society wife to be. I never thought Rory would be like this.

I'm disappointed, so I get up, wanting to leave this place, wanting to forget what happened, wanting to forget all about Rory, knowing I can't forget about her.

"Whoa, whoa, we're just trying to keep it friendly, here, buddy," the prick says, standing up in front of me, getting in my way.

"Get out of my way," I say, giving him my cold, harsh city boy stare.

I walk out of the bar, not even looking around once, still hoping Rory will follow me, and I will get a chance to talk to her alone. Tell her what I really think, tell her what I think about her boyfriend, and what I really think about the new her.

I turn around when I hear someone also exiting the bar, and I smile when I see it is Rory who's coming outside, clearly looking for me. I hope she dumped that jerk inside.

"Jess, wait," she says, trying to stop me from leaving, probably wanting to apologize for the behavior of her boyfriend. I hope that is the case, so I can tell her what I think about the buttfaced miscreant she seems to like.

"We shouldn't have done this," I say, turning to her, finally having the chance to tell her what has been bugging me ever since what's his name showed up. I still regret agreeing to this sorry excuse for a dinner, and I'll let her know.

"He's just in a bad way lately," she says, pleading for her boyfriend, pleading for me to come back in and pretend everything's just fine and lovely. Like hell I am going to do that!

In a bad way? What a sorry excuse for an excuse is that anyway? If he is in a bad way, you just dump him, or make him feel better like you always did to me.

Oh right, I forgot. Rory Gilmore doesn't do dumping. She just stays with the guys until they dump her. It has happened with Dean – two or three times, I believe it was – and I also did it to her. This guy is just going to be the same thing all along. She's going to get hurt again.

"He's a jerk," I exclaim, trying to make her see what her boyfriend really is like. But I guess she's blind to his faults again, just like she was to Dean's faults, and my faults. Rory Gilmore is always logical, always following the same pattern. Boyfriend after boyfriend.

"He was," she admits, making it hard for me to hide a smile, because she finally realizes the truth about jerkass. "In there, definitely. I'm so sorry."

And my smile drops again. She is not seeing the truth, she just realizes he was acting jerky in there, and it's really not the same thing. Someone needs to break the truth to her. That person is going to be me, I think. She kicked every other possibility out.

"I read that guy the second I saw him," I say. "I should have begged off."

For some reason, I want her to say that she really wanted me to come with her in that bar, because she really wanted to talk to me.

"Well, I didn't want you too," she says, and I can't help the fact my smile is growing by the second, even though I don't want it too. I shouldn't care about this.

"He'd better not come out here," I reply, letting her know I will leave the second fratboy walks out of that door. The only reason I haven't left yet is because I have the chance to try and make her realize that her life at the moment is wrong for her. I don't want him to come here and ruin everything, pulling her back into society.

"Please Jess," she pleads again, again probably, hopefully pleading for me not to leave. "He had a lot to drink. He's tired form travelling. This isn't him. I swear."

She has to be kidding me if she thinks she can talk me in to actually being nice to the guy, actually believing he is in fact a really nice guy. I am never going to believe that. I am not that stupid. I feel bad she has become that stupid.

"What the hell is going on," I ask her, changing the subject to something more usefull. A subject which I can help her with. This life she's having now is so messed up it isn't Rory anymore. She has to realize this isn't her, that this is more like that snobby grandmother of hers, and that she has to change back to Rory, to the Rory I knew.

"I told you, he's tired! And his family's bugging him right now," she says, not realizing I am not talking about her precious Logan, or whatever his name is.

"I mean, with you," I yell, probably for everyone to hear, but I don't give a damn about what everyone hears. "What's going on with you?"

She can't possibly be changed that much, she can't possibly be that stupid. I am incredibly mad at her, at everyone who made her that way. At that jerk, at her grandparents, and I have a feeling the jolly green giant also had something to do with this. He's always trying to stuck his nose in Rory's business, why not in this?

"What do you mean," she asks me, a very surprised and almost scared look in her eyes.

"You know what I mean," I yell, suddenly mad as hell. "I know you. I know you better than anyone. This isn't you."

I can't believe I just said that. I can't believe I told her I knew her better than anyone. It's way too corny for me to say. But it is true. I know so much about her. I bet I know more about her than Dean ever did, than this jerk will ever do!

"I don't know," she says, making me smile, because she's finally really thinking about what I am saying. She is finally realizing this isn't right for her. I am going to continue with this.

"What are you doing," I ask her, passionately trying for her to see my point. "Living at your grandparents' place? Being in the DAR? No Yale – why did you drop out of Yale?"

I need to know her reasons, if there are any reasons to justify this decision. I believe I am starting to understand why Lorelai got so mad at Rory for dropping out. I can't believe Rory's throwing her dream away. The dream she's had since before I met her!

"It's complicated," she responds, throwing another overused cliché at me, another sorry excuse for an excuse, showing me there can't be any real reasons for it.

"It's not! It's not complicated," I yell, not understanding this, not understanding why the hell she is evading the real reason, now realizing there must be something she is not telling me. The thing that really made her drop out, the real reason for all this.

"You don't know," she says, sounding very defensive, and now I'm sure she's hiding things from me. Why can't I get through to her? Damnit, I think and sigh.

"This isn't you," I tell her once again, trying to make her listen to me. "This! You going out with this jerk, with the Porsche! We made fun of guys like this!"

I look at her, and I still can't see any proof of me getting through to her. I want to walk away right now, telling everyone I tried, but I didn't succeed. I can't do it; I can't walk away from her being like this. Strangely enough, I can only walk away from her when she's feeling great, when she's fine, and I'm just there to ruin everything for her. Now I can't.

"You caught him on a bad night," she says, evading the subject we were really talking about.

"This isn't about him," I scream, wanting to make her get it this time. "Okay? Screw him! What's going on with you? This isn't you, Rory. You know it isn't. What's going on?"

I look at her, and I see some signs that she just might be getting it. But now she's looking unsure of herself, as if she could start crying every second. She's sad, and it was all my fault again. Like it has been more often.

Damn it Jess, I scold myself. You promised yourself you wouldn't hurt her again. But you also promised you'd just tell her about your book and nothing more.

She is still looking unsure of herself, and I look at her questioning, asking her to tell me everything, how corny it may sound. Rory Gilmore makes me think and say corny things sometimes. I hate that. But I like it at the same time. Weird.

"I don't know," she says, wrapping her coat tightly around her, looking around, avoiding my gaze, seeming to be thinking. "I don't know."

I look at her when she finally looks me in the eyes. It wouldn't be Rory Gilmore if she couldn't get me all emotional with that sad look in her eyes. Damn her!

"Okay, uh," I say, almost stuttering, not knowing what to say anymore, all of a sudden wanting to leave as fast as I can. "Maybe, maybe we'll catch up at a better time."

I was rubbing her elbow. Why did I do that? I'm so stupid, I think when I turn to leave, a sad smile on my face. Something makes me turn around. A memory of her birthday, realizing her birthday was a couple of weeks ago, thinking I should congratulate her.

"Happy birthday, by the way," I say, making her look at me in shock. "Wasn't that a couple weeks ago? Your birthday? The big twenty-first?"

She probably thought I wouldn't remember her birthday anymore, but I do. Not because anyone told me recently, but because I remembered.

"Yeah, it was," she speaks, softly, a sad smile on her face. That might be because of the whole weirdness thing between her and Lorelai. Maybe Lorelai wasn't there on her birthday.

Something sad in her voice makes me grab my always present pen from my pocket, rip a page from my small notebook, and write my cell number down. I don't know why I do it, but I hold out my hand and give it to her, a sad smile now also present on my face.

"Don't be a stranger," I say, before I turn around and leave this place, thinking she won't call anyway. She will just rip the paper apart and throw it in the trash can, I know it.

I walk to my car, an old crappy one, not a fancy and expensive Porsche, and I smile. No deviled eggs on it, that is nice, I think and get inside.

I like to think that this was the last time I would see Rory Gilmore, but deep down, I know better than that. I know something will pull me back to her, in a while. Maybe in a year, maybe two. Maybe it will only take me a few months, maybe it will take me five years. The only thing I know for sure is that I will be the one to visit her. She won't visit me, she won't call me, she will forget about me.

I will find her living happily ever after with some guy when I return to visit her. I will drive past Stars Hollow, find uncle Luke married to Lorelai, find Rory happily married to some guy who doesn't deserve her, and find nothing else has changed.

I turn the keys, start the engine and hear some stupid song on the radio, which I turn off right away. I start driving, on my way to the hotel I stay in.

I've only been driving for not even ten minutes when somebody is calling my cell. I stop the car somewhere down the road, kill the engine and look at the caller ID showing an unknown phone number. I shrug my shoulders and pick up. What could happen?

"Hello, this is Jess Mariano speaking," I say, thinking it might be someone wanting to talk to me about my book. It could be anyone, so I pretend to be polite.

A long silence answers me, a silence like those silences I had every time I tried to call Rory when I was in California. It's a strange sense of deja-vu to me, and it is this feeling that makes me realize who the person calling me probably is. The muffled cries confirm this.

"What is going on there Rory," I ask, thinking it has to be her. "Why are you calling me? Did that jerkass say something? Did he do something to you?"

Still, I can't hear anything but muffled sobbing on the other side, and I am thinking about hanging up on her. But I'm not able to do it. I can't leave her when she's like that.

"He broke up with me," she cries, making me sigh at the clearly visible pattern. "It was because I yelled at him. Because I told him I didn't want that life anymore. I told him I didn't want him to mock you, because you did something, and I didn't. And suddenly, everything was about him, though I didn't even meant it that way, and he broke up with me and left!"

He broke up with her, typical, I think. She sounds really sad, and I hate to see her sad. Maybe that is the reason why I start my car, turn around and get on my way back to that bar in Hartford. I'm going to pick her up, I'm going to fix her. I broke her once, now I'm fixing her.

"Are you still at the bar," I ask her, already driving that way. One hand on the wheel, one hand holding on to the phone for dear life. I can't risk dropping it.

"Yeah, I'm still there," she answers, sounding a bit surprised at my question. I guess she wasn't expecting me to just turn around and come pick her up. I wasn't even expecting myself to turn around and go back to pick her up. There's something about that girl.

"Then stay there," I instruct her, manoevring through the late night traffic. "I'm on my way to pick you up just now. I'll be with you in about ten minutes. Don't worry."

And with that, I hung up on her, dropping the phone on the passenger seat, while speeding a little. I'm already driving faster than the speed limit. I look at my speed and slow down just a little bit. I don't want to be late because I got a speeding ticket, or because I got in a car accident again. Lorelai will kill me if I get Rory in another accident. I don't want to indure her wrath. Not again. The first time was bad enough. I thought she was going to kill me.

I drive for exactly eight minutes, and then I'm at the same bar I left earlier. I look for Rory, and I can't see her small frame anywhere, so I stop the car and look around. I find a crying Rory in the same place we were arguing earlier.

She looks so lost there, wrapped in her coat. I help her up, and she starts crying even more, making me wonder what I'm doing wrong. I am helping her, not hurting her.

She is finally standing, but she falls back almost straight away. I have to hold her up, and I am not really good at that, so I just lift her up. She gasps when I start walking all the way to the car, where I put her down on the passenger seat. I notice the phone just in time, and I throw it on my seat as she sits down.

I stretch my back. Rory isn't heavy, but I'm not that big of a guy. I should not risk breaking my back for her, but I do. I'm crazy like that. I am crazy for Rory like that.

I get in the car, close the door behind me, and start the engine. Then I realize I don't know where I'm supposed to take Rory. I don't know if she wants to be in her grandparents' house right now. She's in a fight with Lorelai, so I guess that's not an option. Maybe I should just ask her where Lane is. Maybe I should just ask her where she wants to go.

"Rory, where do you want to go," I ask her, looking at her. She's still sobbing, and I can imagine her being confused. I don't even know anymore why I decided to play hero.

"Can I come with you," she asks me, and my heart skips a beat. She wants to come with me? To my hotel? Is that really that good of an idea? I don't know, but I do know I can't deny her this. She doesn't have anyone else at the moment, and this thought terrifies me. I am officially everything Rory Gilmore has right now. This has to end bad, I know it.

"Fine, you can come to my hotel room with me," I say, putting emphasis on the word hotel, because I want her to realize what this all means.

"Thank you Jess," she says, and there's finally a smile on her face, a smile that – strangely enough – makes me feel like I can suddenly handle everything the world decides to throw my way. I don't know how this happens, but it does.

I drive on in silence, sometimes looking at her face. She looks more like an angel now then she ever looked before. A sad angel, one who just heard all the things going on in the world.

We arrive at the hotel, and I look at her sleeping. My back can't take lifting her again, so I have to wake her up, which I do by touching her elbow. She wakes up, and looks at me.

"We're here," I say, motioning to the small hotel I'm staying in.

She gets out of the car, and I follow suit. I close the doors, lock everything – cause we are not in Stars Hollow anymore – and walk over to her. Strangely enough, she grabs my hand and almost drags me inside the hotel.

I ignore the woman at the front desk giving me a suspicious glare, making me feel like I am corrupting an innocent girl by taking her to my room. She continues giving me that glare, until just before I walk around the corner and I notice her giving Rory a jealous one, and I can't help but smile. If she only knew what was really the case.

I open the door to my room, and again, Rory drags me inside. I don't know what she's up to, but I know she is up to something. She has to be.

She turns me to face her, and cups my face with her hands. Suddenly I know what she's up to, and what she wants, why she wanted to come to my hotel room.

She kisses me, and I forget my train of thoughts. I can't do anything but kiss her back, with all the passion I have in me, the amount of passion only she can bring up in me. This is so wrong, I can't help but think, but it's also really right. Maybe this is the closure I am looking for.

"Make love to me," she says, pulling back, while breathing softly against my ear, her eyes filled with something vaguely resembling passion.

"You have been watching way too much movies," I say, not wanting to do pity sex, even if it's with Rory. "Rory, don't do this. I know you are going to regret this in the morning."

This girl can't be serious. We haven't seen each other in years, and now she all of a sudden wants to have sex with me because her boyfriend broke up with her? No fucking way!

"So what," she says, carelessly removing her coat, dumping it on the floor. "It isn't even close to the morning yet Jess. Tomorrow, we'll see what happens."

Who is this girl and what has she done to Rory Gilmore? The Rory Gilmore I know would never even do things close to this. The Rory Gilmore I know makes pro's and con's lists about everything. The Rory Gilmore I know plans everything ahead. The Rory Gilmore I know doesn't do one-night-stands, even if it's with a boy she already knows.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me Rory," I say, angry with her for being like this. "I don't know what happened to you when I was gone, but this really isn't you. You are not the Rory Gilmore I once knew and loved. I don't know who you are anymore."

I can see her eyes filling with tears, and it hurts me, but I know it had to be said. I can't let her make even more mistakes; this one would be her biggest mistake ever.

She grabs her coat from the floor, tears in her eyes. I know she wants to leave, but I don't want her to leave. I have the strange feeling I should make a pro-con list about this.

"Rory, please don't go," I suddenly hear myself saying, and I curse my thoughts.

She turns around, and before I know it, I am putting my arms around her and I am kissing her passionately, to which she responds. Screw the morning, I think when she removes my shirt, and I see the hungry look in her eyes. Screw her regrets, I think when I see her topless, and I know I can't stop it anymore. Screw everything but this.

**AN: How ya like that?**

**FYI: I never watched anything past Balalaika's, so there is NO April, and I'm feeling pretty good about a date named June third.**

**I know people will complain about Rory being out of character, but she is upset, confused, and we all know she still has some feelings for Jess. We all know stealing a boat was OOC, so why not this? I think there's more motivation for this than for the yacht thing.**

**Rambling, out! Anyway, please R & R. I'll send you cookies!**


	2. Could I lay in your bed all day?

Nobody puts Rory in the corner

Summary: Balalaika's my way. Rory's not going home alone. Is that wrong? Angsty, bitter, cynical. Typical Jess.

Rating: Somewhere between PG-13 and R. Jess can't seem to keep his mouth and thoughts clean, and Rory isn't always a good girl.

**AN: Where does this all come from? The words keep coming out.**

**This chapter is dedicated to my dad, who saved this file when I thought I lost it.**

**Thanks for reviewing everyone.**

Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls, ASP does/did. Yes, that is the same woman who is abandoning her creation. I would never do that. See why I don't own?

Chapter two: Could I lay in your bed all day?

I can't believe this. I can't believe this really happened. I will open my eyes, look around and realize I'm in a hospital, because I had a car accident again. Because I had not been focussing on the road, because I was dreaming that Rory Gilmore called me, I picked her up, took her to my hotel room and we had sex. Yes, that must be it.

Because come on, you don't think that really happened. It would be the most impossible thing ever to happen. As impossible as Rory and Lorelai having a fight. Shit, that happened already, I think and now realize the sex just might have happened for real.

I look at the beautiful girl lying in my bed with me, and I can't help but smile, thinking of what happened in here last night. So yes, everything I hoped and dreamed of is true. But it was not in the way I dreamed of it. When I hoped this would happen once, it wasn't pity sex; it was me and Rory having a relationship again, together again.

"I know you're awake Jess," she says softly, turning around to face me. I look at her, now even more beautiful to me than she already was. How the hell did I get so damn corny?

"Do you want to run now Rory," I ask her, half expecting she would already be gone before she would realize I was already awake. But she is still here, and it gives me a bit of hope. Hope that this thing just might work, even though I know it is ridiculous to think that.

"I don't know," she tells me, with a serious look in her eyes. "I don't know anymore. Until you returned, I thought my life was okay the way it was. You make me confused."

I always tended to do that to her; make her confused. Back when we were seventeen, she didn't know what to do with me. Nobody knew what to do with me at that time. I was a jerk to almost everyone, except for Rory of course.

"I think you should talk to your mother," I say, knowing how much she wants to. "I think you should go back to Yale, no matter the reason you dropped out. You can do it."

Since when did I become a guidance counselor? I'll just do it for Rory, the whole peptalk thing isn't for me.

"Do you have a phone here somewhere," she asks, and I smile, hoping she will make things right with her mother. "I want to call my mom. If she's already awake, that is."

I look at the clock on the nightstand, a hideous thing that makes me think of the furry clock Rory once told me about. The clock says it's already 10 AM.

"I think your mom is at the inn already," I tell her, suddenly smiling from ear to ear. "I think my cell is in my jacket pocket. So it's somewhere on the floor."

This comment makes her blush, and we both look at the clothes, spread around the hotel room floor. I can't help but smile again, she can't help but blush again. I like making her blush.

She gets out of bed, the sheets wrapped around her, looking for my jacket, while I put my underwear and my jeans on. I have the strange feeling Lorelai would know I was naked if Rory tells her about things. I don't care about my shirt, my wearing just this will make Rory blush even more than she's already doing. I really like making her blush.

"I'll put it on speaker phone," she says, when she finally found my phone, pressing the buttons, still fully remembering her mother's cell phone number, even though they have not been speaking for a while now.

"Who is this," Lorelai's voice enters the room, picking up after only two rings, while me and Rory are looking at eachother surprised. I motion for Rory to talk.

"Mom, it's me, Rory," she says, looking sad, making me want to hold her close and promise her everything will be okay. Even though I don't believe in fairy tales. I never did.

"I'm so sorry for everything," she continues, now almost crying. "I am so sorry for all the stupid things I did, and all the things I said to you. I'm sorry for dropping out of Yale, I'm sorry for stealing that yacht, I'm sorry for every single thing I did. I'm sorry for even starting things with Logan, because he's a complete jerk and he broke up with me last night because I told him I didn't want this life anymore. The DAR sucks, and I know I never encouraged you on grandma's nicknames but I think she does deserve Adolf, and I'm really happy for you and Luke and I'm so glad he is going to be my stepdad, and did you pick a date yet and…"

I hold her close, as she's holding the phone, rambling, trying to tell everything that happened to her mother, all in one breath. I make soft shushing noises when she cries, which I never do, except for when it concerns Rory. What is this girl still doing to me?

"I missed you so much kiddo," Lorelai just says, and Rory stops crying, to listen to her mother. "Things haven't been the same around here without you around. Sookie and I went to Miss Patty's annual thing, and Kirk was doing something crazy again, he looked like Lucille Ball, and you really would have mocked him if you were there. Oh, and Luke sponsored this girl soccer team with really little girls, but when we watched the game they were like mini-Rambo's, it was so scary. And I'd like to inform you that Paul Anka is still alive, so I don't want to hear any of those hamster stories anymore."

Infinite babbling is really a Gilmore thing, I can't help but think. The whole story about the town things isn't interesting, but what is the thing with the Paul Anka guy? I once heard he was a singer, and why would him still being alive be connected to a hamster? Must be an inside joke of some kind, I think, when I see Rory's smile.

"Paul Anka's the dog, right," I hear Rory ask her mother, and suddenly I get the joke and chuckle softly. I have heard many things about Lorelai not being able to keep animals; I think I have heard just about every single example there is.

"Yes, the narcotic Luke-alike himself," Lorelai says teasingly. "I mean, he has a lot of quirks, so he's really a good addition to the Gilmore family. He fits right in."

Yeah, the Gilmores and their quirks, I think, and smile yet again. I seem to do that more often now Rory is around me. That girl has so much power over me. She can make me do just about everything. If someone ever asks me to dress up for a wedding, Rory is the one who can make me do it. Wow, that Rory is the one part was kind of scary to think. But true, I guess.

"Meet you at Luke's this afternoon," Rory asks her mother. "After your work, then we can have dinner, you, me and Luke, the whole family. I'll have to go shopping first, because I need to wear a fashionable outfit for this reunion. In every movie I've ever watched, everyone is dressed nice and fashionable for a big reunion. So no Daisy Duke outfits!"

Am I the only one wondering who the hell Daisy Duke is? I guess I am. She probably doesn't dress that fashionably, but that's a fucked up word anyway. But that was not my point, my point was about the whole Daisy Duke thing. I'll just ask Rory later, I shrug.

"That was only once," Lorelai whines, making Rory giggle. "And it was because all of my pretty clothes were at the dry-cleaner's, and the fuzzy clock didn't pur. I'm still sorry for embarrassing you like that on your first day of Chilton."

Then the whole Daisy Duke thing was before my time, I think. But if she doesn't dress all that nice, and Lorelai was dressed like that on Rory's first day of Chilton, Rory must have been really embarrassed that day. I can imagine what it's like. Liz has embarrassed me so many times, at so many schools I lost count of them.

"You're forgiven," Rory says, sounding so incredibly happy I can barely believe it. "But only because you're going to marry the coffee supplier. I don't want to be denied from my precious coffee. You can make Luke do that. You can make him do everything."

My uncle Luke, whom some people might think of as the grumpiest person alive, is actually a great guy. Don't tell him I am saying this; he wouldn't believe it.

"Dirty," Lorelai exclaims, and I chuckle at the look on Rory's face. "Do you think I can make him wear that Star Trek shirt I bought him? He needs to come out of the closet as a Trekkie."

Rory's disgusted look disappears when Lorelai mentions Luke being a Trekkie. She giggles, then smiles at me, while letting me go, only holding on to my hand now.

"If anyone can make him do that, than it's you," Rory says, looking around the room. "And remember, the Gilmore pout always works on him. You know it does."

I smile, thinking about all the times I have seen Lorelai do that to my uncle, and thinking about him giving in every single time. Like Rory says, it always works.

"If you don't mind, I'm going to hang up on you now," Lorelai says, and some muttering in French is audible in the background. "Michel is giving me the evil eye again, and it is my task to knock that stick out of his butt. Sookie is too busy in the kitchen to do it."

I chuckle loudly at that statement, remembering the rude French guy. He reminds me of other people I know, pretending to be rude, with a good heart underneath, that is barely ever seen by anyone. It even reminds me of myself a bit, but without the irritating accent.

"Did I hear someone chuckling Rory," Lorelai asks, making me freeze and stop chuckling right that second. "Is there someone with you? Is there a guy with you? Who is it?"

Busted, I think and give Rory an apologizing smile. I now know she doesn't want Lorelai to know about me for now. She would completely freak out. She hates my guts, ever since the car accident, which I'm eternally sorry for, even though it wasn't completely my fault.

"Yes, there is a guy here," she admits, surprising me; I didn't think she would admit it. "Do you want me to take him with me to the diner today? I am warning you that you might not like him, mom. So it's completely your choice. Can he come or not?"

I am still surprised she admitted my presence in front of her mother. Not exactly my presence, but you get the jist of it. I am glad I'm not being denied, but I don't know how I feel about the coming to Luke's diner and meeting with Lorelai and Luke again.

"As long as it's not Logan," Lorelai says. "I am sorry, but I don't like him. It's even worse than how I used to hate Jess. So as long as it is not Logan, I am okay with the guy."

She said she used to hate me. Does that mean she doesn't hate me anymore? I hope so, because I would like to have at least one ally when I return to Stars Hollow. That is, if I don't get killed on the way by Dean or Taylor. Maybe I shouldn't go at all.

"It is not Logan," Rory says, a slight smile on her face at her mother's hate of Logan. "Trust me, he is about as far from Logan as possible. I hope you'll like him."

Not lying, just avoiding the truth. Nice manoevre Gilmore, I think and smile at her. She is right; I am as far from the jerk as possible. I want someone to shoot me if I ever become like him. Before I start acting like that; like a complete jerk.

"Then I look forward to meeting him," Lorelai says, sounding happy. "We will meet at Luke's at five-thirty PM. I will tell him to hold a table for the four of us."

I smile a weak smile, already thinking forward to what will happen at that dinner. Luke and Lorelai are probably going to kill him. Slowly, and painfully. It is going to be so much fun, I think sarcastically and sigh. Fucking great, where the hell did I get myself into?

"He looks forward to meeting you too," Rory says, just to tease me, and I give her the evil eye. "We will see you there. Now go knock that stick out of Michel's butt. And tell me how it went okay. I need you to give me a full review tonight."

I smile at the thought of that dinner conversation. That can only happen when you're having dinner with the Gilmore girls. Luke will love it, I think, and smile.

"Will do. Bye babe, see you tonight," Lorelai says when she ends the conversation.

Rory puts the phone on the nightstand and smiles at me, not realizing she is dropping the sheets, and she is still naked. I smile from ear to ear, admiring the view until she realizes what she did and gives me the evil eye. I give her my best innocent look.

"Oh my god, I can't believe I was naked the whole time I was on the phone with my mom," she says, blushing in ten shades of red. "You could have told me, you know."

I just smile at her when she gets up to put some clothes on. She has to search for everything, because all of the clothing is spread around the floor somewhere. I smile at that sight, thinking about last night, thinking that really turned out great. No sarcasm at all.

"You don't have to get dressed," I tell her, smiling teasingly at her blushing face. "We could just stay here and have fun until we are going to Stars Hollow. I don't mind at all."

She gives me the evil eye again, while she is also blushing. She is now half dressed, and trying to put her shirt on, but it has some stains and a few tears, and I look down. I must have done that last night. I didn't realize that. I feel really sorry for doing that.

"You are going shopping with me now," Rory says, mock mad at me. "So get your cute butt of that bed, get dressed, and give me one of your shirts to wear."

Smiling, I do as she tells me. Can you see she's got me whipped already? I throw one of my smallest shirts at her, a simple deep red one. It's only a bit too big on her.

"Fine, I'll go shopping with you, I surrender," I say, smiling while looking at her. "But we are not buying anything for me. I don't do fancy clothes. Deal with it."

She starts laughing and I look at her strangely. It's strange that even though I have known Rory for years I still don't understand her at times. Maybe I just don't understand the girl she has become. Maybe everything is moving too fast, I think, and my happiness fades away, like it has been doing a lot.

The effect of my life, living in a trashy New York apartment with an addicted mother who had new boyfriends all the damn time. A fucked up life it was, and I know it. A mother isn't supposed to arrive on parents night completely stoned, and end up yelling at the teacher and the other parents. A mother isn't supposed to be drunk all the time, leaving bottles of god knows what around the house. A mother is supposed to help her child; and not vice versa.

I remember one night when I accidentally drank some of her vodka, thinking it was some kind of lemonade. I got really sick, and Liz didn't know what to do with herself at all. So she went to the neighbors, some old couple who supposedly had grandchildren. She dumped me there, and they helped me get better. A real good mother Liz was.

I never had a father too. After Jimmy ran, immediately after I was born, Liz had series of various looking assholes as boyfriends, but they didn't even come close to a father. The only father figure I have ever had is Luke. Me and Rory have that in common, only my contact with Luke started because Liz had fucked up again. Or I fucked up, all the same.

"Are you still there Jess, or have you spaced out on me," Rory asks me with a smile on her face. "What were you thinking about? You seemed worried."

And with that, I get out of my trance, induced by thoughts of Liz's fuck ups. There have been so many. It's a miracle I'm still even resembling something sane, a psychiatrist once told me when he talked to me. I ignored him, like I ignored everyone of that type.

"I was just thinking about last night," I say, trying to avoid what I was really thinking about, and teasing Rory at the same time. "That was pretty damn good."

She throws a pillow at my face, and starts laughing at my surprised face when the pillow hits me straight in the face. I grab the pillow and throw it back at her, starting a pillow fight.

I can't believe this is so much fun. I have never been in a pillow fight before, but it is really great. It is a lot of fun, especially because I am doing it with Rory.

But after a while I get enough of the pillow fight. I throw the pillows aside and start kissing Rory, something I have been wanting to do since I woke up next to her this morning.

"You're not getting away with this Jess," she says when she pulls back, a little out of breath after the kiss. "You are still going shopping with me, no matter what you do."

I laugh when I pretend to pout at her. She laughs also, as I grab my cell phone on the way to the door. We hold hands, but we're not skipping, which would be messed up.

When we pass the front desk, the same woman is sitting there as last night. I notice it, and Rory notices too, because she suddenly decides to be extra nice to me, intertwining our hands while she pecks me on the lips. I smile at the woman's jealous look.

I have been smiling an awful lot with Rory around. I can't help it, she does that to me. It's necessary to use the phrase 'I can't help it' a lot when I talk about my behavior when she's around. Or anything about me that also concerns her. I hate it, but I love it at the same time.

"No zoning out on me again," she tells me when I stand still after we walk outside.

She pulls me to my car, and we both get in, I start the engine and we get on our way. Rory points me to the mall. She would know where it is. I have never been there.

When we arrive, we dump the car at a parking lot and get to the stores. I look around and say too many stores. I give Rory a pleading look to let me go, but she isn't going to.

"Oh dear, aren't you Emily's granddaughter," an older society woman asks Rory. "Are you going to that Russian party this afternoon? I see, you are probably shopping for the party. And this fine young man is your boyfriend? How lovely."

We look at each other, unsure of how to respond to all this. I'm not even sure what that lady means by the Russian bullshit she's babbling about. I leave it to Rory to answer all this.

"Yes, I am Emily Gilmore's granddaughter," Rory tells the older society lady. "I think I can't make it to the Russian party this afternoon. Some family things came in between. I am shopping for that. And this is my boyfriend indeed, Jess Mariano."

She introduces me as her boyfriend, I think. Is that a good thing? Does this mean we will continue this thing we are having? Until I run away again? I don't know, but I do know that I like being called her boyfriend. I don't have a fucking clue why, but I do.

"A shame you can't make it," the lady says. "I heard it is going to be an absolutely delightful party. I hope the family things will be okay. And your boyfriends seems nice. Tata!"

And with that, she was leaving. Thank god, because I wouldn't be able to stand her much longer. She is way too annoying. Typical society woman, I think.

"Rory, I'll shoot myself if you ever become like that," I tell her, looking at the girl in front of me, hoping that will never happen. I couldn't stand it if it did.

"Oh well then my dear Jess," she mocks the lady. "That would not be all that lovely and absolutely delightful, now would it? It would be quite infuriating."

I laugh, and so does she, as we walk inside of some store. I sit down on a chair somewhere while Rory goes off searching through the racks of clothing. It's going to take a while, I think.

I am going to be here for a while, I realize when I see Rory entering the fitting room with an enormous pile of clothing, so big you can barely see her. I smile.

I look around the store, seeing all kinds of girls and women looking for clothing, not a single man around, except for the occasional dad or husband. Rory has got me whipped; the fact that I am sitting here, boring the hell out of myself in a store, is showing that.

"Can I help you with something," a sales woman asks me, obviously flirting with me.

"No thanks," I say to her, giving her my city boy glare. "I'm waiting for my girlfriend. She's in there, trying something on for dinner with her parents this afternoon."

This sends the message that I'm really close with my girl and her parents, and that I can't be won over by someone else. The sales woman leaves immediately, almost pouting.

Rory comes out of the fitting room, wearing a pair of black jeans and a bright blue t-shirt that says: 'If you think I'm crazy' on the front. When she turns around, I read the back: 'You should meet my mother'. I feel a smile tugging on my lips, and I know Lorelai would love this. Rory must be preparing this outfit for when she's meeting her mom this afternoon.

"You look so good in blue," I tell her, looking deeply in her eyes, that are only accented by her shirt, and I smile widely at her, and she smiles back at me. God, I'm so corny!

She walks back into the fitting room, and I look around the store once again, getting a bit bored. I never liked shopping; it's way too boring for me. Looking through twenty stores just to find that one shirt, or that one pair of jeans isn't doing it for me.

I completely change my mind about the whole shopping thing when Rory comes out of the fitting room again, this time wearing a jeans skirt and a simple tanktop. I am this close to drooling over her, and she knows it, so she tries to do a sexy walk. I smile once again, and walk after her when she goes back into the fitting room.

"Jess, you can't go in here with me," she says, with a smile on her face, blushing.

"I can't help it if you're too damn sexy," I tease, smiling back at her, my grin growing to be one of those goofy hanger-in-the-mouth grins. "It was the sexy walk, I'm sorry."

She laughs really loud as she pushes me out of the fitting room, and my grin is now measuring up to that of the Cheshire cat – it's freaking huge.

I see one of the sales women who can't hide a smile at the sight of my huge grin. Maybe she overheard what we were saying in the fitting room, I think. But I don't care. She probably thinks we are this cute couple that has been together for ages. Boy, is she wrong.

When Rory comes out of the fitting room, carrying a pile of clothes, I put my arm around her as we are going to the cash register to pay for all of it. And that is a lot.

"Grandma's paying for all this," Rory says, a smile present on her face when I make a movement to get my wallet out of my pocket. "She just doesn't know about it yet."

I never pictured Rory doing things like that. But who knows, maybe she has turned into a bit of a bad girl in the time I wasn't there. I hope it's not my fault. I will get harassed by Lorelai forever if it is my fault. And also by Luke and the rest of the town of course.

Rory pays with the creditcard given to her by her grandmother, and we leave, with me carrying all the bags. God, those are pretty damn fucking heavy, I think.

"I'll make it up to you later," Rory says, and my jaw drops to the floor. I never thought I would ever hear Rory Gilmore say that to me. I have died and gone to freaking heaven!

"Close your mouth," she then says to me. "Something might fly in there."

She winks at me and smiles widely, and I can't help but thinking that I don't even know her anymore. She has changed so much, I am afraid that it might not work between us. Maybe she has changed too much for me to ever know her again like I used to. I would hate that.

We decide to go and have lunch somewhere, in a small lunchroom that reminds me of Luke's a bit, only without the grumpy owner and the crazy townies hanging around.

I am trying to be a real gentleman, so I pull Rory's chair back so she can sit down. She looks at me, surprised at this action, and I smile once again. I smile too much.

"Aren't we all gentlemanly," she says, smiling brightly. "Are you looking forward to dinner yet? I'm sure Luke will try a nice head lock, my mom will think I am crazy and you will have the whole town on your back. Are you sure you can handle all that Jess?"

I know I will have to prepare for the dinner, and I know things could get really ugly. If Dean notices me, I won't leave without bruises or a black eye. If Taylor notices me, I will be doomed. Luke will put me in a head lock, Lorelai will get mad, if Patty is there she will pinch my butt again – which is a really embarrassing and painful experience by the way. All things considered, I hope I am going to live through the night.

"I can handle it as long as you want me to be there," I say, fully aware of the corniness, not knowing how she makes me say those things. "I am not going to run away this time."

How brave of me, I think. But I know it is true. I am getting tired of running from her. It is not worth it anymore. I keep on coming back to her, so why can't I stay in the first place? I don't know. That is why I think I should stay. I have to do this for her. Oh god, fucking corny!

And just like that, she gets up and sits on my lap, hugging me closely. I guess this means she is happy with my choice, I think, and try another goofy smile. This is a good moment.

"Marry me," she says, a sweet smile on her face while she's whispering these words in my ear, and I can't believe she is really saying this. I can't believe Rory Gilmore, Stars Hollow Town Princess just told me to marry her.

"What," I ask, my jaw almost dropped to the floor, thinking it must be a mistake. Thinking it must be a case of selective hearing. I want to hear her say it again, and I want to know that she really means what she says. Maybe then I can believe it.

"Marry me Jess," she says, looking me in the eyes, and I can see she is serious about it. I can also see she is very nervous, and unsure about what I will respond.

I still can't believe it. She asked me to marry her. And that requires an answer. But what answer will I give her? I don't know, I need to think about it.

This is so fucking confusing, I think, and look deep in Rory's beautiful blue eyes. I think about it once more, and then I am sure I found my answer. Screw everyone who might disagree with me on this. This is what I want.

**AN: You didn't see that coming, now did you? Thought so!**

**I am saying once more that I think this isn't out of character. (That stupid git of a) Logan teaches her how to be spontaneous, and I think this is a result of that.**

Anyway, read & review! I'll give you all cookies! Flames will be used to bake cookies for the nice reviewers!

Important note: Don't expect me to update a lot! I am in the middle of studying to graduate high school (aka exams/finals how do you want to call them), so I will be busy.


	3. I'll be your best kept secret

Nobody puts Rory in the corner

Summary: Balalaika's my way. Rory's not going home alone. Is that wrong? Angsty, bitter, cynical. Typical Jess.

Rating: Somewhere between PG-13 and R. Jess can't seem to keep his mouth and thoughts clean, and Rory isn't always a good girl.

**AN: The words just keep coming out! The marriage thing was my muse's doing.**

**Thanks for all the reviews! Love all of you! Cookies are on their way!**

**I'm almost done with school, so I'll have more time to write very soon! Hopefully!**

**Shoutout to GinnyClone, for the REALLY funny review!**

Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls. I have been crying over it ever since I started writing fanfiction. But it still didn't help. So, I still don't own.

Chapter three: I'll be your best kept secret

I take a deep breath, now fully sure about my answer. If this was a TV-show, we would have gone to a commercial break right now, just before the answer. Typical, I think.

"Rory, look at me," I tell her, to make her turn her beautiful blue eyes on me. "Yes, I want to marry you. I really do. But what the hell are we telling everyone?"

I can imagine everyone being in freak out mode about this. Lorelai would kill me, and if I lived through that, Luke would kill me afterwards. And if I survived that, there would be a long list of other people also wanting to kill me. The only persons being happy about this will be me and Rory, and Liz and the etch-a-sketch freak she has married. Liz always likes it when I have a serious girlfriend – that didn't happen very often – so I can only imagine what she will be like when I tell her I am going to get married. She will freak, but love it.

"We don't tell them anything," Rory simply says, and my smile drops. "It's not that I don't like you Jess, that's not it. But you know the freak outs that will happen when I announce to the world that we are getting married. It will be better if nobody knows about it."

I don't want to be her fucking dirty little secret, I want to be able to tell the whole fucking world I am going to get married to this amazing girl who is sitting on my lap right now, smiling a Cheshire cat grin. Clandestine meetings are considered hot, but I don't want to have a secret marriage and a secret engagement to Rory Gilmore.

"As much as I love you, Rory, I don't want that," I say, not realizing what just slipped out of my mouth. "I want to be able to shout it to the world. You should be able to tell Lorelai. I don't want to be your best kept secret and your biggest mistake."

Fuck, did I just tell her I love her? I fucking did, I think, and I look at her, afraid to not see the same feelings I have for her in her eyes. I have never felt this afraid, I think. And for this one time, my tough guy attitude doesn't work for me. I am fucking afraid to hear her say that she doesn't fucking love me! You can see I start swearing more when I am nervous.

The silence is long and deafening, and I expect her to leave right that second, apologizing to me for not loving me back. The reasonable side of me tells me that it would be ridiculous, because she asked me to marry her. You don't do that if you don't love the person you're asking, right? At least, I wouldn't do that if I didn't love the girl. I hope Rory is the same.

"Don't be scared, you idiot," she says, when she finally turns to me, an enormous smile on her face. "I love you, I love you, I love you damnit! Even though you are the baddest influence on me, and Chris would kill me if I marry someone without him knowing, but I don't give a damn about what he thinks. Why would I care if he is never even there? But that's really not the point. The point was that you don't have to be scared that I don't love you back and - "

And right that second, I silence her with a kiss. I already know that is the only way to stop her never ending babbling, and it feels right to kiss her after she just told me she loves me.

When I finally pull back, after what seems only a second, but could just as easily be two hours, we both have goofy grins on our face. The waitress that's walking to the table next to us, a woman in her fifties, seems to be thinking about the whole to-be-young-and-in-love thing people that age and up always think about when they see a young couple kissing.

"Now that we are being all cute and stuff," I say, still smiling from ear to ear, "what do we do about the parents? I know you want to tell your mother, I think we definitely have to tell Luke, and though I don't like it, we have to tell Liz and the etch-a-sketch guy."

I hate to be the voice of reason in any kind of conversation – that's why I almost never do that – but in this situation I feel like I have to. I would hate it if Rory would keep things from her mother because of me. I know it probably happened with Logan – and maybe that is one of the reasons why I don't want it – but I don't want it to happen with me.

"TJ has an etch-a-sketch," Rory asks, and I shrug my shoulders. "Well, nothing is too crazy for him, I presume. I agree with you on telling the parents and Luke. They deserve to know what is going on. I just meant not telling the town, so you won't get killed by either Dean or Taylor, or maybe both. And my grandparents would have a heart attack. They already picked out everything for mine and Logan's wedding, even the China patterns."

Rory has a point about Taylor and Dean, and about her grandparents too. They hate my guts; the only time I met them I had a black eye because I got beaked by a damn swan!

"I don't even want to know about the China patterns," I say, with a grin on my face. "But we have to tell everyone at some point. We don't have to tell them right away, but telling them at our twentieth anniversary would also be terrible, if you get what I mean. Your grandparents would kill you if they found out you had been married so long without telling them."

They wouldn't necessarily kill her, but they would be mad at her for not telling them. I am not even starting on the not marrying into society. Her grandmother seemed like that type when I met her, terribly snobby. I don't even know her grandfather, I realize.

"I don't want to wait that long," she says, smiling as she gets of my lap. "I just want to keep you to myself and the people close to me before I throw it out in the open. I want the whole world to know that we are happily married, when we are both ready to tell everyone."

I know it makes sense, but I can still feel this nagging feeling telling me that she really doesn't want me at all. Which is ridiculous of course, because she was the one asking – actually more like telling – me to get married. I don't even fucking know anymore.

"Fine, if it means this much to you," I say, barely believing I am giving in to her that easily, realizing I always seem to do that with Rory. "We will wait to tell most of the people, but we will tell Lorelai and uncle Luke, and the few other people we want as guests on the wedding."

I hope she agrees to this, but I am hopeless for her, so even if she doesn't agree, it will be just fine. That's so annoying on one side, but it feels so good on the other. I love loving Rory, but I know it won't be happy one hundred percent of the time.

"The fact that I know you won't get killed by a townie means a lot to me," she says, and I smile at her. "But who do we tell? Who do we invite to the wedding? Mom and Luke of course, and Liz and TJ. You should invite your dad and his family. I want to invite Lane, and she probably wants to bring Zack. I want to invite Paris, and she will want to bring Doyle."

I make a face at inviting my mother and her husband, then another at inviting Jimmy,   
Sasha and Lily, and when she talks about inviting Paris, it gets even worse. I know Rory and Paris are friends, but the girl has always hated me. And if Paris hates you, you might want to stay away from her. I want to live, after all. She is going to kill me, and I know she is not going to be the only one. Should I start making a list, I think sarcastically.

"Do we have to invite Paris," I ask her, close to whining, and she smacks me on my arm.

"Of course we are inviting Paris," Rory says, a small smile on her face at my whining. "She is my friend, Jess, and you know it. You can invite your friends if you want to."

I can invite my friends to my wedding to Rory. My friends. My horrible friends from New York are not going to be there; I don't want them to get drunk on my party, or do something else to ruin the whole damn thing. Maybe I should invite D, one of my only friends. I believe he even has relatives around here, who would like him to visit. Not that he would want that. They are the reason he doesn't live around here.

"Fine, Paris will get an invitation," I say, now smiling again. "Can you write a message with that so she doesn't kill me when she sees me again? About my friends: I only want to invite one friend and his girlfriend. The rest would only screw things up."

I will have to call D and tell him I am getting married. He is going to have a field day with that one, I think. He is always telling me to tell my girl I love her.

Yes, I have told him about Rory. No names, just that there is this amazing girl I left behind, and I can't forget about her, and I still love her. He was the one advising me to go back to her and tell her, which failed every single time, until this time. He will love it.

"If that is what you want," she says, and suddenly starts to laugh. "We are being terribly agreeable. If you continue to act like this, I am going to mock Hemingway again."

I start laughing out loud, remembering the many discussions we used to have about our preferences in authors. I miss them; no one I know can discuss literature with me like Rory can. I know D tried, but it didn't work. Rory was always better.

"Don't you dare mock Hemingway," I say, still laughing openly. "He is a great author, and not boring at all, as you used to say. Maybe you should read one of his books first before you say it again. It is really not as bad as you make it to be. Do it for me!"

She smiles as we are still sitting down at that table, in the lunchroom/diner, forgetting to order anything to eat, which was the reason we got here in the first place. I raise my hand, trying to get a waitress to come to our table. I am starting to feel hungry, and I know Rory is too.

"What can I get you," the waitress asks, smiling widely at us.

"I would like blueberry pancakes and a coffee," Rory says, smiling back at the lady.

"I'll have the same, but with a coke," I say, just to agree with Rory. I don't care about the food really. I eat just about everything, so I really don't care.

The waitress leaves us, and we smile at each other. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say to her now. I saw her again after a long time. That was the day before yesterday, I think. We and jerkass had dinner yesterday, and we had sex afterwards. This morning, she asks me to marry her, and I don't even know why. Everything was nice and stable in my life, until I felt myself being pulled back to see Rory, and everything got messed up again.

This makes it sound like I hate her, but I really don't. I love her, more than anything in the world, but I hate the power she holds over me. I am never afraid, except when I am with her; I am always afraid she will leave me, or she doesn't love me after all.

She doesn't know about this of course. I never tell anyone when I am afraid. I just fuck something up, so nobody sees that I'm afraid. Now that's an interesting psychological insight in me, I think sarcastically. Freud, eat your fucking heart out.

"Why did you ask me to marry you Rory," I then ask her, completely unsure of what she is going to answer. She tells me she loves me, and I know she does, but I am still not sure. I don't want it to be this spur of the moment thing she will regret even before we tell anyone. I want it to be something she has wanted for a while now. I want her to have remembered me when I was gone. Maybe it is stupid, but I am still afraid we won't make it after all.

She looks into my eyes, and I can feel she is trying to find the reason why I asked this, trying to see it in my eyes, if that makes sense at all. I don't want her to see how afraid I am, so I try to pull up a wall, but I stop halfway during it. I want to get married to her. She needs to see everything about me now; I don't want the marriage to be fake, don't want it to be just the good and happy times. I want it to be through the good and the bad. Yes, I am that fucked up.

"Why are you asking this Jess," Rory says, almost studying me, and I know I have to tell her now. Come on Jess, you can do it, be strong. Fuck, and I'm talking to myself. Psycho!

"I'm afraid you'll regret it later on," I blurt out, and even though I wanted to tell her, I mentally kick myself for blurting it out like that, in the middle of the diner/lunchroom.

"How can you possibly think I will regret it," she asks me, smiling a weak smile at me, looking a bit hurt at my question. That was not the intention. I did not tell her all this to hurt her, I told her because I wanted her to know my fear. I should have said it differently.

"I don't know if you will regret it," I say, wanting to explain. "But I am afraid that you will, and I'm afraid that I am going to hurt you. I don't want to hurt you anymore."

She has been hurt enough, by many different people. Dean hurt her every single time he broke up with her, I know Logan has hurt her, and I don't pity myself either. I know I hurt her every time I left, for New York, or for California. I don't want her to hurt again because of me.

"Jess, that is incredibly sweet of you," Rory says, and smiles at me, "but that's not realistic. You and I both know a relationship isn't happy all the time, and we're bound to have fights, so we're bound to hurt each other. But we're also bound to make it up. Don't worry so much."

She holds my hand and smiles at me, and I am starting to feel better. Maybe telling her my fears wasn't that bad of an idea. I smile back at her, now convinced I did the right thing.

--

We arrive in Stars Hollow, and we drive past the diner, looking for a spot to park my car. I smile as I turn of the engine and get out of the car. Rory holds my hand until we get to the door. Then, she lets go of my hand and smiles at me. I smile back.

Rory goes inside first, and I stay outside for a while, wanting to give her a little private time with her mom and Luke, before I come in and ruin the happiness. I am trying to anticipate the anger of both Lorelai and Luke, but I think it isn't working that well.

I hope nobody sees me here, or I will be killed even before I get to talk to Lorelai and Luke about everything. I am sure that if Dean or Taylor would see me, I would be dead in a matter of seconds. Well, Dean would kill me and Taylor would watch and yell at me.

I see Rory waving at me from inside, and I decide that is my signal to enter the diner, which is empty, besides Luke, Lorelai and Rory. I am glad about that. Any other person there, and I would have the entire town on my back in a matter of minutes.

The reaction I get when I enter the diner is priceless. Luke is shocked beyond belief, but I can also see a hint of happiness in his expression. I can't wait to tell him about my book, so he can be proud of me after all, and maybe it would calm Lorelai down. She is freaking out.

"You brought Jess as your boyfriend," Lorelai screams, and I get a little intimidated, but I am not going to run. "Rory, is Jess the reason Logan broke up with you? Did the two of you do something and Logan caught you? Oh, I don't even want those mental pictures."

I start laughing at that, because Lorelai is the only person that could give you this reaction to telling her you are back together with your ex. I don't want mental pictures of Rory and Logan together, but I do want mental pictures of me and Rory together. Not that I don't have them already, since last night, and the day we are spending together.

"Yes, I brought Jess as my boyfriend," Rory says, a smile present on her face. "He is not the reason Logan broke up with me. The reason Logan broke up with me is that he is a stupid jerk, and the fact I told him I didn't want that kind of life anymore."

The evil look Lorelai sends me makes me stop laughing. She always hated my guts, and this isn't helping, I think. I hope she doesn't hate me anymore. It will mean so much to Rory if me and Lorelai can at least be civil to each other. I had hopes for that, but if she is already upset at this, I don't even want to know how she is going to react when we tell her the big news about our engagement. I don't think she will be that happy. I'm screwed!

"Don't be upset Rory, but I am so glad Logan is history," Lorelai says, right before turning to me. "I hated that guy even more than you. You might have a shot. I am going to try being nice to you, because in my opinion, you are better than Logan. However, this is not what Rory's grandparents will think, so you are going to have a hard time convincing them."

The grandparents are really going to be a problem, I think and sigh. I don't want to get to know them, and from what I hear about them from Lorelai, they are not exactly eager to meet me either. The grandfather could be okay, but the grandmother is horrible. I know she is, I met her at that fucked up dinner with my black eye. Really messed up.

"Mom, Luke, I have another announcement to make: I asked Jess to marry me this morning," Rory says, smiling from ear to ear. "And he said yes! I can't be any happier. I love him, and things will work out fine! So you don't have to worry about killing anyone."

I am going to get killed in exactly ten seconds, when Lorelai and Luke will both comprihend what Rory is saying. Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one and zero!

"You asked Jess what," Lorelai screams. "Rory, you have to be joking with me! You saw him and just thought, what the heck, I'll marry the hoodlum? You can't be serious. Don't tell me he got you pregnant Rory? I'll kill him if he did. Slowly and painfully!"

This is not my day, I think and sigh. Wait, it is my day. Rory 'proposed' to me this morning, and I agreed to marry her. I just have to remember that as Lorelai is plotting my death.

"Can I say something now," I ask, ignoring Luke's mad look and Lorelai's fury. "Rory is not pregnant; that is not why we are getting married. I know the both of you would like to kill me right now, but could that wait for now? I just want to tell the both of you – since you are acting like Rory's father, uncle Luke – that I love Rory, and she loves me back. I won't get all corny and shit, but I hope you will think of that before I get killed."

I look at Rory, smiling at me slightly before she turns to look at her mother and Luke again, who are staring at the both of us together, looking a bit shocked. Lorelai is looking as if she can't believe her ears, and the look on uncle Luke's face is just about the same.

"Rory, I don't completely approve of this," Lorelai says, and I all of a sudden feel messed up again, "but if this is what you really want, then you have my permission. I don't want to lose you again, especially not if it is because I am changing into my mother. Jess, I will slowly kill you if you hurt her, just remember that. Luke, any comments?"

I can't believe Lorelai is being so easy on this. No real fight, only one rant and no real yelling from her side. Maybe Rory being away so long is the reason for all this. If it is, I am thankful for it. No, I am not. I can't be thankful for Rory having a fight with Lorelai. This sucks!

"You will be hurt if you hurt her Jess," Luke says, and I know he means it. I mean, this comment is coming from the guy who put Dean in a headlock for breaking up with Rory.

"I will remember that," I say, looking at my uncle. "I can't promise I will never hurt her, because there are fights in every relationship. Even in yours uncle Luke. But I will try not to hurt her, I will try to be the best husband possible."

A smile now appears on both Lorelai's and Luke's face, as they hear my speech. I don't even know where the hell that just came from. Straight from the heart, I hope.

"I just want a small wedding," Rory then says to her mother. "Inviting only the few people I really want to be there. You and Luke, Lane and Zach, Paris and Doyle, Sookie and Jackson. Jess can invite some friends. Liz and TJ have to be there, just as Jimmy, Sasha and Lily. I don't want Christopher there, and neither of my grandparents."

Lorelai looks at her curiously, clearly thinking about Rory's guest list. I think she might be happy about not inviting her parents, or Christopher, but I don't know.

"Honey, I appreciate you just want a small wedding," Lorelai says, "but you're never going to forgive yourself if you won't let your father be present on your wedding. The same thing goes for your grandparents. I know we are not on the best of terms at the moment, but they would not like it if they were not invited to the wedding of their only granddaughter."

Lorelai has a point in that, I can't help but agree. But Rory also has a point. That's nice, a nice and difficult dilemma about the wedding, and we didn't even set a date yet.

"That would be missing the point," Rory explains, her smile slipping. "We agreed to keep it small so that Jess wouldn't get killed by either my grandparents, Christopher, Dean, Taylor, or some townsperson. Logan wouldn't like it all that much either. That was the whole point behind this: keeping my fiancé alive long enough to actually marry me."

I keep visualizing an attack from the townies every time Rory talks about this, and it is pretty terrifying. Imagining being pinched to death by Patty and Babette, than being beat to a bloody pulp by Dean, and then having Taylor draw a chalk outline around the pulp scares me.

"Rory, I think Lorelai has a point," I say, ending the silence. "I think we should invite your grandparents, since you really care about them. I know you do. And I know you and your dad are not on the best of terms, but I think you have to invite him. He is your dad after all."

Lorelai looks at me approvingly, a smile on her face. I smile back at her before I even realize I am doing it. There's just something about those Gilmore girls, I think.

"Fine, we will invite Chris and the grandparents," Rory says, smiling at Lorelai and me. "But I don't want Chris to walk me down the isle. I want Luke to do it. Would you do that for me Luke? You have been more of a father to me than Chris has been, ever since we met you."

I look at uncle Luke, his jaw is just about on the floor, but he is also smiling one of those Cheshire cat grins. I also smile, thinking this is right. Luke has been more of a father to her than Christopher has ever been. It makes sense to have him walk her down the isle.

"Do you really want me to do that," Luke asks, almost stuttering.

"Of course we want you to do that," I say, pretending like we discussed this before. I like this, we are sounding like a married couple already, and that is weird, but it also feels good.

"Fine, then I will do it," Luke says, and Rory goes over to him and hugs him, almost knocking him flat. I look at Lorelai, who is smiling at it, and I smile at her.

"We're not doing that too, right Jess," she says, and I start laughing.

"Only if you want me to," I tell her, with a devilish grin spreading on my face, thinking about what I will say. "After all, you are going to be my mother in law. Can I call you mom?"

She smiles at that, and I hope we can get past the hostilities from the past. Lorelai is Rory's best friend; it would mean a lot to Rory if we could just get along with each other.

"Luke, tell that hoodlum nephew of yours he should stop the funny business," she says, and suddenly her grin is growing even bigger. That doesn't bode that well.

Rory releases Luke from the Vulcan death grip and looks at her mother, and then back at me, as if asking where it comes from. I shrug my shoulders at that. I don't have a clue.

"Why are you smiling like that mom," Rory asks Lorelai, who wears one of those Cheshire cat grins. "What kind of things do you have up your sleeve? This isn't good."

I wholeheartedly agree with my fiancée – that sounds really nice – about this. When Lorelai looks like that, mostly there is something up. I really hope the something doesn't have anything to do with a furious Dean and/or Taylor. I look behind me. That isn't it.

"I can't wait for Friday night dinner now," she says, and I look at Rory. I totally forgot about the stupid dinner with the grandparents I have to live through now. Her grandmother hates me, and I haven't even met her grandfather. I am so screwed!

**AN: How 'bout that? I guess everyone knows the grandparents are in the next chapter.**

**Question for in your review: where do you think the chapter titles come from? (pretty easy) Yeah, I am bored enough to ask that. So entertain me with your reviews!**


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